out of control and on my own

listening to :
Failure's Not Flattering (What's Your Problem) by New Found Glory

pain and contradiction

once again im sitting here
pen in hand
scribing out emotions
all alone
alone despite the commotion of the world around me
a cold black hand
fingers clasped around my body


emotionless ?


like the north wind blowing through fragile hair
just because it isnt seen doesnt mean it isnt there


inside i feel


is this all real ?
or is the work of the divine sadist
laughing at the pain of his blind puppets ?


pain ?


i have all the reason for this pain
my entire life has been a sheltered game
sure there's always been the people
staring
calling me names
beating me
bleeding me
placing the blame


and yet i have reasons for despair
or so i think i do


so why these thoughts of self affliction ?
am i to die from blind conviction ?
until it ends
this fickle existence
ill continue to write these mental depictions
of a life of pain and contradiction


inside of me there dwells something beyond comprehension
unwanted thoughts
visions of destruction
why do i question all of existence ?
why does the sun set on all that i am ?